Luang Prebang

Well, my first and very happy piece of news, is that as of last night, I am an uncle... My sister gave birth to little Florence Penelope Mosely at around 10.15pm last night. She was a few weeks premature and is very small but mother and baby are fine, and I'm very proud of you Becky! I can't wait to see you both...

So, what's been a'happenin in Laos... I arrived in Luang Prebang after a lovely minibus journey. It is only about 100 miles but it took 7hrs, as the roads go through the mountains and are impossibly steep and winding. Drive told me that we'd done 3200 corners to get there, it felt more like 5000. Whatsmore, there are around 5 private services a day in addition to 3 local buses, and on my minibus where the bloody douchebags that I've been trying to rid myself of ever since I first met them a month ago in Saigon. They turn up everywhere! They are only 18 and they're essentially not bad people, they're just young and annoying kids who think that the most important aspect of their lives, which it may very well be, is their A Level results. One in particular feels the need to let the bus hear about his A in English on every fricking journey.

So I arrived in Prebang in the evening, and went searching for accomodation with a welsh girl, an American guy from the minbus - and we also met four english lads whiclst walking around looking for hostels (all of whom were Arsenal fans, so even though I was 11 years their senior, at least we had something in common...). It was quite a tiresome search after that journey, but eventually we found somewhere cheap and all checked into a dorm and went out for a few beers. The english lads were really nice, well raised lads from Hackney. There was also a hot german girl in our dorm, it was so funny watching them trying to flirt with her. The youngest looking of them was stood talking to her, whilst nervously tossing a bottle of water in the air and catching it. Just as she asked his name he missed the catch and the bottle exploded all over her legs, smooth!

Not been on a swing for a while

The following day we all caught a tuk tuk upto a waterfall. Now I've been to really quite a lot of waterfalls in SE Asia, and the majority have somewhat underwhelmed me. This one was fookin spectacular. The water was the most amazing turquoise colour that I've ever seen, it looked like a swimming pool.. And it has a bear too. We swam in the various pools and swang on the obligitory rope swing for a few hours before the day was somewhat marred by some theiving piece of shit nicking Nina's bag - which contained her camera, purse etc. There were only really westerners there, and it sickens me the amout of times that I have heard about this kind of thing. You'd have thought that there'd be a level of commorardery amongst travellers, none of us have a great deal of money, and the photo's are irreplaceable. Yet still theiving is common place. I am ridiculously secure with all of my belongings, unfortunately those who are not are suffering the consequences. For some reason every time something goes missing I feel some sort of guilt.  Guilt is a funny thing, especially when guilt arises from an event that you're in no way linked to. These theives make everyone feel bad and they need to sort their fucking lives out.

Anyway, after the waterfall me and the london boys watched arsenal roar to another scintilating defeat at the hands of the mighty Bolton Wanderers. The sooner this season is over the better, it's just ruddy depressing. Later in the day, as it started pounding, I realised that I'd left my ankle support at the bloody waterfall. I had bought two and now I have managed to lose them both within a few days. In additon, we had to climb 360 steps up a temple in the town the next day, which felt pretty tidy with no support. I'm convinced that I have done something sinister to my ankle, but I think I'll wait until I go back to Bangkok before I see anyone - Laos healthcare does not have a great reputation....

There is a strong possiblility that I'll need a full NHS MOT whilst back in the UK for a bit. I still have the same whooping cough that i've had for around a month. I suspect it's the replica cigarettes that are causing it. They cost about 30p a pack and most of them taste like cigars. The more expensive, and widely recognised brands are also fake, and most of them taste even worse than cigars (which I previously believed to be impossible). It has been raining quite a lot in Laos, so one day I was resigned to watching local television in the hostel, where I stumbled across the Laos equivalent of you've been framed, and man, that shit is funny. It's like you've been framed on steriods, i'm pretty sure that most of the people in the clips actually die. Comedy gold.

The english lads left a couple of days back and in their place has moved some more English young guns who are making me feel my age. They are young girls and lads from oxford. One of the girls called me boring for not coming out with them that night. I was a bit low as I was knackered and I am trying to keep things cheap for a few days. I'd normally have let this comment slide, but I let my frustrations get the better of me and snapped back. Needless to say I made her cry so ended up having to go out and buy her some drinks to apologise. Whilst out I met a really impressive Spanish guy called Miguel. He is only 21, but he has been in asia for 6 months and has never paid for transport in that time. He has hitch hiked everywhere he has been, and often ended up staying with the people that he has hitched with. For the last few days he's been washing cars with some bloke that picked him up in Vang Vieng. Pretty cool I thought, and may have to give it a try!

Yesterday I achieved a day old dream and went out to ride an elephant. Not only did we ride the elephant but we were given a course in how to communicte with the elephants. Now when i signed up for this course I naively thought that there would be some international language that the elephants could understand. In fact I'd already updated my CV to include my elephant handling ability, thinking I could tap into the lucrative international elephant training market. However, my dreams were crushed when I discovered that it is only Laos elephants that I can communicate with. Still, if anyone needs a domestic elephant to stop in Laos, then i'm yur man! The day was amazing, we rode the elephants into the Mekong river and the trainers took great pleasure in telling the elephants to spray water all over us with their trunks! We then went for a ride in the forest, and our elephant (I was sharing with an English lad named Ben) was a greedy little fucker. Everytime it grabbed the bamboo to strip it we got sprayed in a shower of ants. I was already uncomfortable as I was sat on the elphants spine, which was getting rammed right into my gritter, so the ants were not welcome additions to my comfort levels! After the elephants we went to the cave of a thousand bhudda's, and needless to say the haircut douchebags were inside the cave waiting for my arrival. The cave was cool, there were indeed 1,000 bhudda statues in there, or at least 990 by my count.

Cave of a thousand douches



In the drink



I was especially sore when I got home from a days riding, and contemplated a massage, but after being sexually assaulted during my first experience of a Laos massage I decided to give it a miss.



I'll crush you, like a worrrrrm



When I got back for a siesta a new person was just checking into our dorm. In appearance I could only liken this bloke to an anorexic version of Hamish from Braveheart. There is something quite disconcerting about sharing a room with a man like this. He must be in his 40's or 50's, and he's lay pretending to be asleep whilst I'm talking to the german girl on the bed beneath him from across the room. This bloke looks like he probably catches and eats a raw badger for breakfast. So tonight I catch a night bus to Chiang Mai, where I will mostly be hanging out with tigers. In the time it has taken me to write this the internet has crashed 3 times and i've had to switch computers twice, a very frustrating period that has left me with 33 minutes until my bus leaves, tidy on a friday