We flew into Ho Chi Minh City on tuesday and met up with Laura. The city is absolutely manic, there are circa 11 million people living there and I'd say a large percentage of those drive around on scooters trying to run me over... Crossing the road was certainly an experience! The city itself is pretty commercial, and after shooting my own commercial I could finally afford to pay for a bus ticket out of there, but more about the bus later...
We booked a trip to the war tunnels and that was pretty impressive. The Viet Cong dug around 300km of these tunnels across 3 levels. For tourists they have made some of the tunnels a lot bigger than they were during the war, the ones which haven't been altered are around 40cm in height and 30cm in width, and some of the VC were down there for 10years, surfacing only at night to fight. On a typical night they would travel around 10km in these tunnels and pop out occasionally. We went into the 'tourist' tunnels which were a bit bigger, but still, if your claustrophobic then it's not your ideal scenario! After the tunnels I got to fire a couple of rounds with an AK47, which was pretty cool, it made me feel like a real man!
We have all payed 40 bucks for a country wide night bus service (paid for via my new acting career), which is impossibly cheap and impossibly grimey. The bus in the picture looked pretty tidy, the bus in reality was putrid. The beds are what could only be described as taboggans, if you're over 5ft 6" then you have to curl your toes into some twisted mess to fit yourself in. We caught the bus at 8pm and they pretty much turned of the lights straight away, the reading lights didn't work and I don't have a torch - so basically they forced me to go to bed at 8pm! Within about 10 minutes laura noticed that there was a shit stain on her blanket, which i'm fairly confident have never been washed, ever. We had one stop at a lovely little rest stop where the toilets were brimming with mosquito's and the ice cream was as delicious as it was fresh. My favourite aspect of travelling with the girls is that they seem to have taken all of the mosquito's away from me, especially Liz, who is currently sporting one bite that is the size of a plate! So the bus journey took a mere 10hrs and we arrived in Lah Trang at 6am, where we all felt like shite, smelled like shite and looked like shite - and then had a lovely time searching for a youth hostel that we could see but couldn't get in to. An hour later we abandoned our efforts and booked into a hotel.
Lah Trang is a really nice place. It's quite resorty, which is exactly what we wanted. The first day we all sunbathed and got burnt to a crisp and then went out on the piss. We all got pretty smashed and then had to get up at 8am to go on a booze cruise. I didn't have time for my beer poo and when we got on the boat there was no toilet roll. I was so desperate that I just went and patiently awaited the first opportunity we got to get into the water, where I could covertly get away with a bit of 'cleaning' (I only admitted to this later in the evening, Liz who was swimming next to me would've preferred some pre warning)... Linked to this, at the first stop, for some unexplained reason they took the contents of the toilet and poured it into the sea right off the side of the boat. We were all disgusted and then out of nowhere four douchebags jumped in off the top level right into ground zero! Everyone was screaming to get out, whilst my turd was floating perilously close to corey's chin. A man on a jet ski took care of things when he ploughed through and chopped it all up, mmm, yummy.
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| Another stinger |
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| Winner |
There was a competition to see who could drink the most cans of beer (330ml cans of Tiger). Corey the Canadian douche bag was boasting the night before that he drank 11 cans, so obviously I was determined to put him to shame. At lunchtime they prepared a quite impressive vietnamese spread for everyone, and then they launched a floating bar into the sea for some yummy free shots... Needless to say I won the beer drinking contest with 17 cans consumed. They guy in second was a fucking prick and everyone was glad to see him passed out, whilst the guy in third was spewing off the side of the boat. My 'prize' was to down 2 more cans and then I was allowed to sip the third, taking me to a nice round figure of 20 cans. Bay. Needless to say I also managed to injure my toe for a change, we got a bleeder!
In the evening we went for a curry (Bay) which none of us could eat. The meal also came with another lovely beer. Liz and Lou pussyed out and went to bed at about 10pm, and me and laura started on the buckets. Laura then went home after the first bucket so I tagged on to some swedish and american dudes (whom I told that Laura was a professional falcon trainer) and went onto a club. My memory stops after the third bucket. All I can remember was pulling some trout face and then some gay local bloke who would not fuck off and leave me alone (I assume it wasn't the gay bloke that I pulled by the way). I have no idea what time I got home but I managed to upset Lou somewhat! The next day I could not move and stayed in bed until 5pm... That was last night, so whilst I slowly died the girls went out and got smashed. I got woken up by Lou at around 4.30am and then Liz and Laura came in pretty sober at around 6.30am. I'm not sure what was going on in the bathroom but there are wet clothes everywhere in there this morning! I had to get up at 8am as the noise of liz's drunken snoring was driving me slowly insane! So tonight we have a lovely 12hr night bus, which departs at 6pm, so I presume they will be making me go to bed at 6pm by turning off the lights.... Hoian here we come!
We booked a trip to the war tunnels and that was pretty impressive. The Viet Cong dug around 300km of these tunnels across 3 levels. For tourists they have made some of the tunnels a lot bigger than they were during the war, the ones which haven't been altered are around 40cm in height and 30cm in width, and some of the VC were down there for 10years, surfacing only at night to fight. On a typical night they would travel around 10km in these tunnels and pop out occasionally. We went into the 'tourist' tunnels which were a bit bigger, but still, if your claustrophobic then it's not your ideal scenario! After the tunnels I got to fire a couple of rounds with an AK47, which was pretty cool, it made me feel like a real man!
Lah Trang is a really nice place. It's quite resorty, which is exactly what we wanted. The first day we all sunbathed and got burnt to a crisp and then went out on the piss. We all got pretty smashed and then had to get up at 8am to go on a booze cruise. I didn't have time for my beer poo and when we got on the boat there was no toilet roll. I was so desperate that I just went and patiently awaited the first opportunity we got to get into the water, where I could covertly get away with a bit of 'cleaning' (I only admitted to this later in the evening, Liz who was swimming next to me would've preferred some pre warning)... Linked to this, at the first stop, for some unexplained reason they took the contents of the toilet and poured it into the sea right off the side of the boat. We were all disgusted and then out of nowhere four douchebags jumped in off the top level right into ground zero! Everyone was screaming to get out, whilst my turd was floating perilously close to corey's chin. A man on a jet ski took care of things when he ploughed through and chopped it all up, mmm, yummy.
In the evening we went for a curry (Bay) which none of us could eat. The meal also came with another lovely beer. Liz and Lou pussyed out and went to bed at about 10pm, and me and laura started on the buckets. Laura then went home after the first bucket so I tagged on to some swedish and american dudes (whom I told that Laura was a professional falcon trainer) and went onto a club. My memory stops after the third bucket. All I can remember was pulling some trout face and then some gay local bloke who would not fuck off and leave me alone (I assume it wasn't the gay bloke that I pulled by the way). I have no idea what time I got home but I managed to upset Lou somewhat! The next day I could not move and stayed in bed until 5pm... That was last night, so whilst I slowly died the girls went out and got smashed. I got woken up by Lou at around 4.30am and then Liz and Laura came in pretty sober at around 6.30am. I'm not sure what was going on in the bathroom but there are wet clothes everywhere in there this morning! I had to get up at 8am as the noise of liz's drunken snoring was driving me slowly insane! So tonight we have a lovely 12hr night bus, which departs at 6pm, so I presume they will be making me go to bed at 6pm by turning off the lights.... Hoian here we come!
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