Tubing Vang Vieng - Didn't disappoint, but I need to get out of here before it consumes me

Tube'oooo

 

Well, tubing certainly lived up to its billing, absolute carnage... I'm relieved and a bit surprised to have made it out relatively unscathed, although, obviously, there was some drama involved! We arrived on the river for our first day of tubing at around 11.30am, and as it was so early, the barmen got us involved in a few rounds of beer pong and there were plenty of free shots of whiskey being dished out. Just for a change I had explosive diahrea, which was a treat in the circumstances (although, as Liz pointed out, a tube is quite a handy instrument for such an ailment).... On the toilet note, liz's first trip to the toilet ended in her shaking for about 20 minutes, after she came running out of the cubicle due to a huge spider on the toilet roll!

The silver fox

The actual setting was pretty stunning, with a backdrop of huge limestone carsts, although the river itself looked pretty skanky. The place started getting much busier after 1pm, by which time we were already pretty steaming and were ready to get in the tubes for the first time... The water was quite shallow in parts, so every now and again your ass would connect with a rock, which was nice. A short tube to the next bar and it was time to hit the buckets and start spray painting each other... I had my toenails sprayed red, and 5 days on and I still can't get the fookin stuff off!

Hows about nooo

At the next bar the big rope swings began, I was up there like a rat up a drainpipe, whilst the girls needed a little bit of gentle coaxing.... Liz cracked first and we went off there together, judging by the photo I was fairly close to landing on her! After a bit more bucket kicked in, we were all flying off various swings, and I wouldn't say that health and safety was their primary concern there...

Watch out below

I met my friend Noraly from diving along the way, and when the girls decided that they'd had enough punishment for one day, Noraly and myself carried on down river, where the tubes and bars became fewer and far between. We found an absolute beast of a rope swing a bit further down, which I labelled the slapper, as whatever part hit the water first (thigh for me) got an absolute slapping.

The slapper

By the time it got dark and cold (at about 8.30pm) there didn't seem to be any more tubers around, so me and noraly found a river bar that was full of locals drinking straight whiskey. They gave us about 7 shots each and by the time one of them offered to give us a lift back into town I was absolutely steaming. We walked up a steep dirt track and as I neared the top I must've lost my footing as the next thing I knew I was tumbling backwards at speed towards a bit of a rock face with a tidy drop! Luckily my arm managed to grab at something and a disaster was averted! When I got back to town I was a little disorientated but I managed to find the girls, who were all a bit concerned as my head was covered by 3 different lumps and bumps and a bit of a cut, so they got me to bed at around 10.30pm, oh dear!

Goon'ooo

Cave'ooo

So the next day we all felt a bit special and took it easy, before renting mopeds the following day for a bit of an explore. We had been told that there was a nice place called the blue lagoon which we opted to go in search of. The girls were all a tad unsure on the peds to begin with, but after a bit of a practice they were fine. What we didn't realise was that the 'road' wasn't so much of a road as a track, which was quite tricky at times. We reached a sign with some kids around it that said 'Blue Lagoon', which I noted looked like it had been painted by a 5 year old. Needless to say after driving down a sketchy track and paying 10,000 kip we got there and it was some stinking stagnant water hole, so we got back on the road. When we arrived at the lagoon it was very picturesque and the swimming was welcome after a sweaty, dusty ped journey.... Me and Lou went for a little explore in a cave too, but it was pretty pitch black and due to losing my teva sandals I only now have a pair of flip flops for footwear, so we decided not to go too much further!

The Snapper

That night we got steaming again (particularly the girls, like the wiseguy I am, I stuck to the mushrooms) in preparation for another days tubing. They had opened another 'ride' that day, which we called the snapper. It was a zipline that had a stopper at the end, so if you didn't let go then you got an absolute snapping! I can see how people knacker their backs here, it basically flips you and you have no control how you land, but it's good craic if you survive! Predictably I'd cut my toe open again the day before so I'm not sure how much good the river water did for it, but it seems okay to date! I was way more pissed way early on on this tubing session, and my last memory is of riding home on the roof of a tuk tuk, and I believe I was in bed by circa 7.30pm! I think the girls managed to actually make it out for dinner, but still, i think they were passed out by 10.30pm... None of us made it back with our tubes so we all lost our deposits, shock.

Just put clean bandage

So the girls all left yesterday, and I had the oh so familiar feeling of saying goodbye to people on the road. It does make you feel a tad low for 24hrs or so, such is the nature of the beast... I went for a final bit of tube'ooo yesterday, and now I need to get the hell out of here before it consumes me! So I head to Luang Prabang in an hour or so, and from there I'll either head further north or find my way to the Philippines...